October 27, 2009 (Collingwood, ON) - Congratulations. You have been considered for selection, recognition and thereby inclusion in this year's greatest non-event: The AntiRace. I made this invite. Alone. It is pretty okay. Agreed, I am no illustrator scientist. Yes those are single moms on the ticket stub. It is DelStalk. No there will be no strip club stops. You may do as you wish you depraved freaks. No there will not be no planned nudity. That said, wee Tom is back from Europe. They do things differently there.
Last year that event was the PETER KEILLER APPRECIATION RIDE. If you were there you were there. As Sean has failed to step up to the plate for 2009, Sean sucks. Misfit Psycles Inc has taken the initiative. Proactively. Almost. Mostly it was Del's idea. Del is tired of driving.
This year the event will take place in COLLINGWOOD Ontario on Saturday November 14, 2009.
FIRST UP:
The AntiRace.
- We will meet at a central location in the Blue Mountain Village (likely the source of accommodations at 15min PRIOR to start - meeting points will be established maybe even with maps).
- This is a mandatory meeting. One year, not so long ago, one rider was LOST exiting the parking lot, two LOST on 'course' and three LOST returning home. This is unacceptable but totally expected. Be prepared.
- The anti-race portion will last from somewhere around 16:00hrs to 19:00hrs. Daylight permitting*.
- The anti-race consists of riding around, sometimes fast, sometimes crashing, always pretending to race but not really.
- The pace will be brisk at times and totally inconsistent. Good for all levels of riders, that is, if you aren't riding alone**.
- Jager WILL be served. Cups will NOT be provided - free-pour will be required.
*Should the need arise we MAY move the time to slightly earlier in the day.
**Moderate OCUP wanna-be's will set the median pace. If you are an elitist like Haydn Boucher, bring someone to wax with, while you wait for us during or in-between or after. If you are a pokey little monkey that say disappeared for two years like Anthony Hannem bring a 12 y/o one-legged little girl to pace with...and so on. Mostly you'll be okay.
Prizes will be awarded at DelStalk:
THE unWinner.
- The winner of the anti-race will ACTUALLY be the loser and therefore ineligible to win the prize. The first runner-up will then be promoted to winner... again they will be ineligible and the third runner-up promoted to winner and so on. If you are coming to win, you lose. Losers will be laughed at and possibly killed.
THE Champion.
- Someone (entirely randomly) will be selected to represent the Empire at DELSTALK later in the evening. Champion of the Court.
BEST Crash.
- Awesome and obvious, do NOT expect to win if there is no blood, or something broke'd.
MOST Lost'est.
- Obvious, of course. Except you WILL need to make your way BACK to the village to claim your prize.
BEST Why Sean Ruppel Sucks Reason.
- Hint: The answer is 'just because'.
SECOND UP:
The DelStalk.
- Named in honor of Collingwood's own, Del Grams. A veritable train-wreck of libationary excess. The ENTIRE evening, not just Del.
- DelStalk will begin immediately following the end of the anti-race. Unless people elect to shower and change...DelStalk is not picky like that. DelStalk may involve multiple stops within the Blue Mountain Village. In fact it would be lame to sit on one set of stools all night...
- DelStalk is NOT anything else. It is what it is. People (we don't hate) sharing space in a (not awful) place.
- Consumption of caloric sustenance will be a priority in the early stages. Not fast food but food fast.
- Depending on final numbers and meal preferences, multiple venues may be necessary with a meet-back-up time selected.
FREE COASTERS!
- For Anti-Race awards there will be a PRIMARY location within the village selected.
Jozo's , Copper Blue's - whatever. TBD and based on numbers and directly proportionate to how cool YOU are.
- For drinkers, make plans to stay in the village or to barf out the window of a friend's car to get home. Driving is unacceptable.
- For non-drinkers, this portion of the evening ALWAYS makes for wholesome entertainment. That said, you should ALSO consider staying in the Village.
Please bring bribes for security...I understand donuts and a solid junk punch work best.
ACCOMMODATIONS:
Primary recommendo is the village sweets. About 250$ or less for a room of 6. Check it out here.
Other options are available too. Picky pricks, click here.
THE EMPIRE HAS BOOKED A TWO BEDROOM SWEET.
***ROOM FOR 5 OTHERS***
50$ea based on 6...could be less...could be more...first emailed, first reserved.
DETAILS AND UPDATES:
Details will be from here and forever after be posted on the DELSTALK*ANTIRACE page here.
An RSVP form will be up whenever.
Thank you for your consideration, we know you're all very busy peoples.
Sinisterly Yours,
Peter J Keiller, Esq.
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Photo: AntiRace 2009
Misfit Psycles DelStalk/AntiRace 2009 - Nov. 14
Photo: AntiRace 2009
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